I feel like I have lost control. There are so many things in life that I want to do. So many things in my home I want to have done on a daily basis. And many more things I want to have time for. I see the people around me as an inspiration for where I want to be.
If I could just be a little bit more like my sisters. I could always have the house cleaned and a home made dinner on the table every night. My imagination would make mundane activities into ones filled with wonder and joy. I would still have time to devote to my education and my children's educations. Yet at the end of the day I would still have the love and patience necessary to be the kind of mother and wife my family deserves.
If I could just be a little bit more like my best friend. Nothing could stand in my way. I would have an idea to do something and be able to put forth the effort to get it done. Not just 100%, but 150%. I would not be subjugated to procrastination or excuses. I could be what I wanted to be and do what I wanted to do. Effort and hard work would be my middle name and I would scoff at the idea of not being "able" to do something I wanted to.
If I could just be a little bit more like Mrs. White from my favorite blog, The Legacy of Home. I would be peaceful and diligent in my role as a wife, mother, and homemaker. My children would be hardworking and responsible. I would have the energy and passion to make my home and family my priority. Anything else that would like to be included in my life would have to be included with my family and home, not to the exclusion of them.
If I could just be a little bit more like my parents. My faith would see me through everything. Nothing would hold me back because the Lord would be on my side, and I on His. The importance of putting God first would never slip my mind. I would never lack faith because I would be able to see the glory of all He does in every thing I experience on a daily basis. The warmth of His love would sustain me and uplift me in all my righteous pursuits.
If I could just be a little bit more like my cousin. I would have a passion that would be unquenchable. My God given talents would be exercised and glorified, not abandoned. Releasing emotions through my art would be far more important than bottling them up. I could persevere through hardship like a rod of iron, never relenting.
If I could just be a little bit more like my eldest daughter. I would love to learn and be diligent in all I wanted to do. I would never say "I'm too tired now, I will do it tomorrow." Routines would not scare me and would instead be a fast friend, keeping me on course. I would always remember what I needed to and maybe even more than that.
If I could just be a little bit more like my eldest son. My heart would be open to everyone. The love of life would fill my soul until you could see it sparkling in my eyes. There would be nothing in the world that could dowse the light of my optimism. I would eternally seek to help those around me, wanting the best for everyone.
If I could just be a little bit more like my youngest son. I would be tough and not let little things get me down. The ability to bounce back would lift my heart and protect my soul. I would still be able to cry if I was unhappy, but the sadness would not hold me prisoner and I would be able grasp the first smile that was offered to me.
If I could just be a little bit more like my youngest daughter. I would trust my Creator with my whole being. I would understand that there is nothing I can do without the love and support of those around me. I am incapable of life without the love of my parents and support of my family. I would always eat the foods that were best for me and sleep enough to be happy and smiling while I am awake.
So why can't I be all of those things? It is not that I can't be, it is that I haven't been. Excuses and rationalization have barred the way, not allowing me to reach my potential. For years I have dreamed of being the perfect wife, the perfect mother and the perfect me. I am now making that dream a goal. The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan. This blog will hold me accountable to my goal. Tomorrow I will be just a little bit more of what I can be.
I will reach for my potential. And if I don't obtain it, at least I will be reaching.